We were housemates, we were colleagues, we were brothers, we were friends.
We needed to escape from home, we had Time on our Hands
We got ourselves some instruments, we played, rattled and banged
'bout when we went on holiday, and took an Orange Man

We were has beens, we were never was, when we took to the stage
Half of us had experience, the others couldn't play
We were naïve, incompetent, untalented and young
We were has beens, we were never was...  And there's more to come

We couldn't practice in my house, it made my cat throw up
A freezing cold damp practice room, a shed behind a pub
The diesel heater clatter was our only warm rescue
A tramp wrapped up in Rockwool with some cans of Special Brew

We were has beens, we were never was, when we took to the stage
Twice as fast with half the notes the music that we played
One big rhythm section with songs that sound perverse
We were has beens, we were never was...  Can't find Another Verse

And so the time for our first gig inevitably came
We were our own support act under a different name
A gigantic learning curve, and crippling stage fright
The guitar kept the rhythm 'cause the bass couldn't keep time

We were has beens, we were never was, when we took to the stage
We had No Drugs or Alcohol, just adrenalin that day
We were terrified and elated, but we were really sure
We were has beens, we were never was...  And we wanted more

We never got to perform with our Absent Friend
We didn't get to Glastonbury, or soundtrack for a film
We couldn't tell our lyricist "that's not supposed to rhyme"
We played so few gigs, but we had so many good times

We were has beens, we were never was, when we took to the stage
We had more fun than the audience, we didn't act our age
Listening to old recordings it really made me sad,
We were has beens, we were never was, BUT...  We weren't that bad

Marriages and mortgages and children stole the show
We couldn't take the pressure, and one of us had to go
We carried on, the love was lost, we didn't want the strife
And so we closed the chapter on 6 years of our lives

We were has beens, we were never was, when we took to the stage
It was time for us to move on, it was time to turn the page
Pleasure turned to tragedy, real life got in the way
We were has beens, we were never was...

There was a time
we used to play
It went away.

One, two, three, four!

We're 18 years older, those times are all long gone
We got up off our arses and we wrote ourselves a song
We really miss the others, but the time it just seems right
To step out from the wilderness and out in the spotlight

We were has beens, we were never was, when we took to the stage
Once we were young pretenders, now we're middle aged
We've got nothing better to do than spending time with friends
We'll be has beens, we'll be never was...  All over again
All over again
All over again

“We got up off our arses and we wrote ourselves a song”

“This was the first Fat Statues song that we sat down together to write. I wrote the lyrics and chords for the chorus, and asked Ronnie to come up with some chords for a verse. Ronnie’s verse was good, but in the end it wasn’t quite right for the song.

The song is an affectionate tribute to our old band, Tragic Pleasure, and tells the story of the band. Ronnie e-mailed me a load of ideas and stories about the band that I’d forgotten about, and I pared all our ideas down into a coherent song. There’s a lot of in-jokes and song titles and lyrics from Tragic Pleasure songs in there.

My bridge, with the opening lyrics of Tragic Pleasure’s The Orange Man, its meaning juxtaposed by changing a single word, was the first part of the song I wrote, and Ronnie’s intro with the same Orange Man opening line transposed to a wistful melancholy key was the last.

It was a really nice way to pay tribute to a band we loved and was a huge part of our lives.”