Stone Lions
Words & Music: Manns. © 2021 Fat Statues.
There's one on every corner, every street of every town One house that is different, trying to stand out Looks down on their neighbours, Lord and Lady Muck Thinks people are jealous, but they don't give a fuck 'Cos they could be so happy just embracing what they've got Spending all they haven't to be something that they're not They're hard working people, but they love to show off Can't afford the real thing, so most of it's knock off Stone lions in the garden don't make a stately home Columns on the porch won't build the Parthenon The Crystal Palace wasn't made from uPVC Kew Gardens isn't filled with a massive trampoline Knows the price of everything, the value of none Nothing's ever subtle, it's all overdone All they ever seem to do is spend, spend, spend Don't want to be the best, just better than their friends Dreaming of a centrefold in OK magazine Their superheroes are called Wayne and Coleen Two perfect people living their best lives Looking down at plebs and sharpening their knives Stone lions in the garden don't make a stately home Columns on the porch won't build the Parthenon The Crystal Palace wasn't made from uPVC Kew Gardens isn't filled with a massive trampoline Botox, fake boobs and faker smiles Embassy number 1 and Chanel number 5 A faux fur coat and a leopard print ass All goes to prove where there's muck, there's brass Looks into the mirror, sees a real man's man With his hairdresser's car and a creosote tan A tribal tattoo and big gold chains Anabolic steroids and grapefruit vape Stone lions in the garden don't make a stately home Columns on the porch won't build the Parthenon The Crystal Palace wasn't made from uPVC Kew Gardens isn't filled with a massive trampoline Stone lions in the garden don't make a stately home People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones The neighbours all think that you're a pain in the ass 'cos you've got all the money, but you can't buy class Venus De Milo's not made from reconstituted stone Buckingham Palace doesn't have a La-Z-Boy throne Nobody tried to pebbledash the Walls of Jericho Stone lions in a cul-de-sac don't make a stately home Some people want love, but they just crave attention The façade as false as the one on their extension Her personal trainer and his girl on reception There's plenty of sex, but bugger all affection She wants to feel wanted, he wants to be alone. Every wall tells them to Keep Calm And Carry On A glossy tacky palace is all they are proud of The last thing that they do in life is Live, Laugh, Love Stone lions in the garden don't make a stately home Columns on the porch won't build the Parthenon The Crystal Palace wasn't made from uPVC Kew Gardens isn't filled with a massive trampoline Stone lions in the garden don't make a stately home People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones The neighbours all think that you're a pain in the ass 'cos you've got all the money, but you can't buy class
“This ended up being more beat-poetry than a song. I always end up writing far too many lyrics, and I made life really difficult for myself with a song with 719 syllables that I’ve go to sing with a stammer! I still can’t play guitar or bass live and sing this at the same time, there’s just too much going on in my brain!.
The inspiration came from a trip to Devon, they were putting up this new “executive” housing estate in a lovely area, but every house had these tacky Doric columns on the front holding up the porch, the kind that were straight out of the 1970s. I stopped off at garden centre, and there were pallets of stone lions in a row, ready to grace somebody’s garden.
I really didn’t want this song to come across as slagging off honest people who work really hard to make the best lives they can for themselves and their families. I have huge admiration for people who do that, if you want a stone lion, you have one, you’ve earned it! The song’s about another group of people…
In every neighbourhood, there’s one household that just have to go one better than everybody else, the ones with all of the money and none of the taste. They don’t buy things to make themselves happy, they do it to make their neighbours miserable, patting themselves on the back and taking great delight in telling others how much their latest purchase cost, when people are struggling to get by. Things aren’t always rosy as they appear on the surface, and sometimes it’s all just a front.”